From: tprice1995@aol.com (TPrice1995) Subject: [DHY/Xover][FanFic] Return of the Army of Darkness (OS) ----------------------------------------------- Return of the Army of Darkness An Exceedingly Brief Devil Hunter Yohko/Army of Darkness Crossover By Thomas Price (tprice@newssun.med.miami.edu) Based on the characters created by Juzo Mutsuki and Sam Raimi, respectively. ------------------------------------------------ Yohko Mano had been training hard, really hard, and had seen all sorts of strange things. But the fact that the dead were rising from cemeteries was one thing. That the dead seemed to consist almost entirely of armor-clad skeletons speaking in English (with British accents no less) was quite another. It was even harder for her as the skeleton creatures continually attempted to grope her during her transformation sequence. She really let loose on those pervs, but soon she realized that she was being outnumbered. All of the sudden, she heard a loud boom that, if she lived in the American old west, she would have realized automatically was the sound of a Winchester repeating rifle firing long Colt .45 ammunition at a very fast pace, knocking the skeletons away from her with expert aim. She looked back to identify her savior and was surprised to see a tall, strangely-attired gaijin with a blue shirt and a strange looking metal hand. She called up what little English she knew and said, "who are you?" He looked at her, and his eyes rolled up. "Not again!" was the reply. ************* Okay, so I didn't say every tiny little syllable, but I basically said the words. I mean, come on, what do those primitives think I am an idiot? Klatu, verata, then what was it? Nickel? Noodle? Necktie? Whatever, I basically said the words yeah. Then what the hell am I doing fighting Deadites with a teenage girl who's dressed in half of what looks like the uniform of someone who works at a Chinese restaurant and is carrying a sword? And why are all those billboards in Japanese? ************** Who is this strange man? And why does he fight so unusually? He has a gun, yet he chooses to hit his enemies over the head, fight them with punches and what I guess might be witty one-liners in his language Something about a King or something. And what's the deal with that hand? It looks like it came off of a suit of armor or something. At least he can fight. *************** Okay, so the waitress can fight, but she looks so young I'd say I have milk in my fridge that's older than her. Probably not exaggerating on that either since I've been spending too much time dallying around in alternate dimensions. That damn potion didn't work like that Mr. Smarty Pants back in the middle ages said it would. Now I keep hopping around the world facing armies of the Deadites that pop up here and there every time I drink the stuff. At least these guys don't have access to guns like the ones outside the S-Mart did. Man, that made things hectic. ***************** Uh oh. Looks like Mr. Blue Shirt has run out of ammunition. What's that he's pulling from his back? It looks like a chain saw! He's attaching it to his fake hand! Incredible, he looks like half samurai and half bezerker from out of some anime. At least we're holding our own against the undead, and Azusa should be joining in right about now. Yes! There she is! She isn't the best, but a third blade will help greatly. ****************** Christ. Hell, I never run out of ammo! Except now when I need it. But not only did I run out of it, now there's some girl who looks just about old enough to be potty trained flying through the air dressed like the waitress with a sword, only she's got a spear and she's making comments in some high-pitched voice. Good thing the Deadites are falling to my chainsaw, no thanks to the two kiddies over there. Never should have gotten rid of that shotgun. "Alright you bony sons of bitches, come get some!" ******************* Azusa and I seem to have finished fighting our share of the demons. They were tough, but not as tough as most of the demons we usually fight. One blow took care of most of them as they shattered to dust, although their groping of my uh, assets, was quite unpleasant. Azusa's smiling because she took out a good share of them and she's rightly proud of herself. But the gaijin's still fighting the last of them, swinging his chainsaw arm around almost carelessly. He dispatches them soon, then turns to us and smiles as he twirls the rifle into its holster at his side. ******************** Definitely too young for my taste, I tell myself. It's true, these girls are barely out of diapers. Their big round eyes look at me like I'm about to spew out some worldly wisdom or something. I tell 'em to go back home to their Barney tapes and they look at me as if they have no clue to what I'm saying. So, screw it. Let's try this again. I take the small bottle of elixir I got after saving the Necronomicon and taste a drop, then say the three words: Klatu, Verata, Nic- uh Nec- uh necumphphplpth. There, I said it. Is that thunder I hear? Oh great, now why do I have such a bad feeling about this? END Yep, a shortie, written in exactly 12 minutes. Had to pound this one out as soon as I could before I lost it. Probably work on it later. Inspiration came to me when I got my DVD copy of Army of Darkness and laughed my pants off for about the twenty millionth time. Figured what the hell. If you're so unfortunate enough to not know what the Army of Darkness is, go out and rent it. You won't regret it. So flame me, or whatever, at tprice@newssun.med.miami.edu, or peruse my other works at http://members.aol.com/tprice1995/anime.html. TP: 1/29/99